Confession

Today is Apr 1, 2020, also known as April Fools’ Day, on which day people tell jokes and try to fool each other by some brilliant tricks, such as hoax calls, sticking a hilarious label on other’s back without telling him or her, etc. For me, it’s nothing special, and I didn’t realize it’s April Fools’ Day until this afternoon. But then I found it’s a great opportunity to do something incredible.

The thing is that I have a very huge crush on one of my best friends Ania, and due to various reasons, I didn’t even officially confess my love to her. So, our relationship is very subtle & convoluted, kinda like the situations in sitcoms Friends & How I Met Your Mother.

You know, in Friends, Rachel is always the most beloved one by Ross, regardless of what happens. Hilariously, Ross even says Rachel’s name at his wedding with Emily, which suggests how much Ross loves Rachel. There are too many scenes to count, but each of them is phenomenally terrific. In How I Met Your Mother, Ted is kinda another Ross who is passionately devoted to Robbin, a Canadian girl worked in NYC as a news reporter. This sitcom I just stared to watch yesterday, alright, for a whole day. It is really awesome! Exceptional! I was very much touched by Ted’s obsession with Robbin. There are many interesting and impressive things that Ted have done in order to date Robbin, like giving 3 consecutive days of parties only for one meet of Robbin, doing a rain dance for a whole afternoon in the fond hope of keeping Robbin staying home from going a camping trip with her colleague (unbelievably, he makes it), etc. Those are, by Barney’s words, legendary, totally legendary!!

Also, there is one scene that really impressed me, I can’t remember which episode and the complete words, but approximately like this, Barney tells Ted that he and Robbin are never gonna happen (in a way, it extremely likes Joey tells Ross that he and Rachel are never gonna happen, ’cause they are already into dangerous friend zone), Ted says “…But it’s Robbin (Rachel/Ania), the exact one I have dreamed for, the exact one I have a perfect feeling for. And even though it is a mistake, I’ll still wanna make, ’cause it’s Robbin (Rachel/Ania), it’s someone else, someone special that I have the right feeling for.” That is an awesome speech. And that’s also what exactly I wanna say to Ania.

I was afraid to tell Ania how much I love her, ’cause we are friends, and I’m so afraid to lose her if I tell her I’m in love with her. This is kinda like Ross is afraid to loss Rachel. However, today, April 1, is a special day, I can say that with this excuse, and it’s reasonable. :)-

Anyway, I just wanna be straightforward and tell her I love her. Done. Just don’t think, don’t consider the consequence afterward, it would be of ease. Don’t be an emotional-freak any more. All you have to do is to shut down your sanity system, and show her your love and affection from the bottom of heart. Legendary!

I KISSED Ania

This morning, I had a very sweet, fabulous, incredible dream – I dreamed that I was kissing Ania passionately & madly, the thought of which had crossed my mind tremendous times, all of which, however, had been retreated due to my chicken.

It should be my first kiss and it was so intense that I can clearly feel an enormous excitement in my physical body. Meanwhile, I was so afraid to wake up as it was really such an agreeable dream whoever don’t desire it and wish it would endure forever.

The kiss was really an amazing stuff, one I’ve never experienced in real life. I can hardly describe it but in total, it was kinda like a sex-hormone-induced euphoria that just drove me crazy (I like being crazy and those crazy stuff, for they never fail to surprise me). The excitement & elation evoked were like, maybe not very aptly, superman’s orgasm (●’◡’●). Anyway, it was an absolutely terrific feeling. The kiss seemed to last a couple of minutes, during which I had the most exceptional time in my life as of now.

Yet, all the fantastic dreams so are gonna be disillusioned, and afterward we’ll have to face the reality. Kinda cruel, it was so beautiful a dream!

I don’t know why I dreamed about Ania, maybe because I haven’t seen her for quite a long time and, you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder; or maybe due to the guilty that I haven’t even attempted to contact her, though, which would be of ease; or for some other reasons. But no matter waht the reason is, I’ll seriously consider establishing a relationship with her (I used to be too cowardly to profess my tremendous love to her, and it invariably keeps upsetting me). Somehow, she possesses some incredibly charming attributes that is irresistible to me. She is a peerless beauty, smart, funny, kind, generous, wild & unconstrained, caring, as well as her peculiar mystique, all of which totally impressed and overwhelmed me.

I wanna end with a song by Savage Garden – Truly Madly Deeply

I’ll be your dream
I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be your hope
I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need

I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
I will be strong
I will be faithful
‘Cause I’m counting on
A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning, yeah

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I’ll make a wish, send it to heaven then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
That we’re surrounded by the comfort and protection of the highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh, can you see it, baby?
You don’t have to close your eyes
‘Cause it’s standing right before you
All that you need will surely come

I’ll be your dream
I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be your hope
I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need

I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do
(I love you)

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I want to live like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

For A.

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods…
There is a rapture on the lonely shore…
There is a society where none intrudes…
By the deep sea and music in its roar…
I love not mean the less, but Nature more…
From these our interviews, in which I steal…
From all I maybe, or have been before.
To mingle with the Universe and feel…
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.

                                                – Byron

Seeing Roomies

Today is really a very agreeable day, gathering with old friends who also were my high school roomies, with whom I had phenomenally fond & indelible memories. More surprisingly, it is Peach’s birthday today. Peach, as its name indicates, is a sweet, pretty, & incredibly hot girl , who also excels at singing, voice stunning & impressive.

(Following content is added on Apr 1, 2020)

Now I think back of the whole event, I just found myself like a big dumbass – I bought her a branch of mixed flowers that afternoon, which looked like a dreadfully ugly hybrid, scary! What’s more, it was a little large which went against the rule of simplicity & convenience. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking about… I should have bought her a compact & beautiful one so that she can hold and bring conveniently and meanwhile enjoying her fantastic birthday, rather than a large stupid one which may trouble her. What a fool!

Something sarcastic is I used to have some kind of dislike her, for she behaved a little not nice at the first year of high school when she was our representative of chemistry. I am kinda forget how she was like at that time, maybe a little aggressive (sorry, I really can’t recall clearly, and currently I have problem in choosing an appropriate adjective), which, however, I now find it really very cute & appealing. She was & is a great girl. I shouldn’t have that prejudice against her by that time, and I felt truly guilty for it. Luckily, the dislike feeling disappeared in the later two years of high school life, and in the last year I even had some sort of good feeling about her if my poor memory system haven’t crashed yet. Children’s feelings are so innocent and interesting, aren’t them? By the way, our high school life was really awesome, we had many a times of picnic, hiking, and some other incredible activities. I think of a word frequently referred by Barney (a funny cute guy in how i met your mother) – legendary.

I think life is like a magic clock, when you look back at someone or something after the magic clock has walked around for some circles (after you have encountered a lot of things), you may find your opinions or attitudes will be reshaped, even into a U-turn, which will totally amaze you. We are legendary!! :)-

Magic Really Does Happen

It’s kinda unbelievable that I just met my dream girl in the elevator, only two of us, though she might not know who I am! What a coincidence anyway! It’s an amazing encounter! She is one of the few girls in the Department of Mathematics among whom I have a really very fantastic feeling about.

If I sleep back again after the alarm (as usual), I’m afraid there’s no chance could it happen. Magic solely happens where we are away from our comfort zone. So just to keep moving, and don’t be spoiled by the darn comfort zone. Your year of 2020 will be very brilliant, since you are unstoppable!