Incredible time on Oct 4, 2017
Incredible time on Oct 2, 2020
I had a very intense dream this morning, and I was crying, a crying sensation from the deep bottom of my heart, so desperate, … and when I woke up soon afterward I found tears really filled my eyes, like little pearls, running down on both cheeks; yeah, ’cause I was really way too touched and into the dream scenario.
It should have something to do with the film I watched last night – The Secrets, a 2007 Israeli drama film. I just found the rebellious Michelle in this film so appealing ( MARVELOUS;) ). I dreamed a few people, they were all familiar faces, but I can’t confidently identify them (bizarreness of dreams). Those girls in my dream seemed to be my junior school classmates, but the girl I fell in love with should be an image of Michelle (though likely portrayed by a girl in C15, who also lived in my hometown, named Linna Zhao? Or the fantastic girl Hongyang Wang, with whom once we went hiking while we were freshmen during the National Day holidays. Who was the girl is really not that much matter).
She was a tall, gorgeous girl; straightforward, sincere, vivacious, enthusiastic, cheerful, really agreeable! Besides her extremely charming disposition, she was also in possession of some sort of artistic abilities, like sewing – an ingeniously designed bag was sewed for me, which was perfect and I treasured it tremendously as my life.
We had truly a wonderful time, the short but incredible time being with her was one of my happiest. Then kind of we established a relationship, I initiated it – it seemed I had known it was a dream, thus I became the bravest guy I ever thought I could be, then subconsciously kissed her on the cheek and confessed my love to her. When I told her it was my first kiss (though NOT on the lips) and I was incredibly ecstatic about it, my heart was racing fast, emotions ran high, she was kind of surprised. Yeah, I myself do feel stunned as well. After a few flirting words, an unstoppable desire of feeling struggled out and we kissed with tremendous ardor for a few minutes. Recall back now, the feeling of kissing was really something else though not genuine. The truth is I was hopelessly, irretrievably fell in love with her.
Yet, the ending is quite dramatic, there were a bunch of bastards (seemed to be Japs?) attempting to kill us, and sadly, my Miss Right got shot. All of a sudden, my heart turned into a fallen glass bottle, broken. The heart-broken moment was by no means describable. I clasped her tightly in my arms, ran to the beach, golden dusk light shed softly on the sea surface. There seemed to have endless words I want to say to her, but I didn’t manage to. Instead, I could somehow feel her heart beating and the warm blood flowing through her body, bringing me traveling through the fond memories in my mind…
Sooo, finally, I decided to launch a new project that aims for self-improvement via writing summaries, which can be: insightful thoughts, achievements I’ve made, things I really need to put efforts on, horrible things I’ve committed, interests I would like to nurture, awesome people I’ve encountered, challenges I should take, goals I should strive for, essential changes I must make, … Additionally, it serves an extra benefit of saving my ass from terrible writing skills, given that I’m really not into writing, or some sort of detesting feeling. Evil of laziness 🙂
Okay, now let’s talk about this deprived week, the week I didn’t write any code. But I did attend two classes. The one on Friday, however, got me understood something – Your mind and thinking concerning a certain discipline will rust if you don’t engage in it for a long time. For example, mathematics. It seems like I haven’t been learning mathematics for quite a long time, the agile mind of mathematics I used to have just gone – it took me an unusual amount of time to figure out some calculations that wouldn’t take a few minutes when I was a sophomore. Of course, it shouldn’t be any surprise, since that’s the mechanism our memories work, typically transient in nature. Once you regain the knowledge, it feels superb!
It seems that I’m invariably lucky enough to meet fantastic girls😁. These days, I’ve been occasionally meeting an incredibly adorable girl in Banan Library, with a distance of about 50m to which I rented a small room for study & preparing my summer internship.
It all began with one of my library friends, a ♀, who was pissed off with me today as I didn’t grab a seat for her, though I was de facto very lucky to be one of the last two people who had the opportunity to get one.
While waiting in a long ass line for getting seats, I met another girl behind me who claimed herself to be an English tutor, humorous, agreeable. (Somehow I was & am just very interested in people (girls) who like English, who speak English, etc.) We had a nice conversation. Then when it was about to our (the last two lucky ones) turns, the girl came, in a hurry…
She was in a black casual dress, left her hair hanging loose over her shoulders, big beautiful eyes, so captivating!!
Back to yesterday evening when I was going to get a cup of water and ready for leave, thanks to my poor memory, I ran into her for the 2nd time as I was running back to fetch my filled glass left on the water filter. She recognized me and greeted me with a pure brilliant smile. Then I recalled this girl a couple of days ago when I went back to 4th floor to get my backpack, she was sitting next to my female library friend (Miss Left), and I asked her a few dumb questions. A little bit shy though, she was absolutely adorable, lovely, and agreeable to talk to. She’s AWESOME. I like her.
Then I realized it was that amazing girl, surprised & secretly pleased, I asked her a couple of dumb ass questions again, and I acquired & confirmed that she was, like me, a junior student, but majored in art. Last (also first) time she said she was majoring in art, then CS, then a poor senior high school student who was going to participate in the brute CEE in HOT July. I was so confused. Then I got all clear. Besides, I learned that she meanwhile need to learn some cs stuff, and she came to the library to review & prepare her final exams. After a short distance of observation, I found her face was suffered from acne, which might be the reason that she was a little unconfident when talking to people. Despite this, you could find her very enchanting, gorgeous, and you are definitely willing to make friends with her, for, oh my goodness, she’s merely too fantastic!
Till here, you should guess what happened next this morning… Ha, I chose to give this opportunity to that wonderful girl given that she was in more urgent need of it, plus I need to find a place where I can speak. However, I should have grabbed a seat for Miss Left as we had implicitly agreed. Sometimes it’s just hard to make a choice, and you know for sure that you would be condemned for the behavior that you thought was right, but you just have to do it, for no reason at all.
A big affectionate family! Fond memories with all those lovely girls & cool guys! We were so cute :-)😀
It was very hazy, but I vaguely remembered some guy said ‘your weakness’, then somehow it just happened. I thought about it for a little while and I found it reasonable, maybe it was my weakness that murdered her. Scary! What a paradox!
I really think I am emotionally retarded sometimes, I mean I’m a total geek when it comes to personal development. Alright, it’s laziness. Well, I think I should call her. That’s all. I don’t want to be a murderer. I’m a good guy :).
I woke up from a nightmare, a very horrible nightmare. It was 6:45 a.m., raining slightly, air fresh.
The dream was incredibly bizarre, that one of my favorite girls Jiang Xuan, who used to be my deskmate for some time during the second semester of senior two of my high school years, was murdered by a guy. I was crying, desperately, madly (kinda like the rain outside). She was (, IS, & will be) one of my favorite people, to whom I also owe many apologies. She is sweet, funny, understanding, supportive, gorgeous, elegant, and awesome anyway. I like her so much. Then I dreamed about Peach, she was married to Kengping (a nickname), with two cute kids, one is 1 year old, another is 5 years old (Surprised).
The thing is that when she became my deskmate, I think I was very mean to her, ’cause at that time somehow I was having a crush on Alison who happened to transfer to our class at that semester (old story). Alright, I have to acknowledge that I was a jerk.
I’m really into Jiang Xuan, in a very special way which I can’t even explain. I don’t wanna lose my beloved friends, and I don’t even get time to tell them I love them (though you always do love them from the bottom of your heart, you just somehow cannot manage to say it out, weird.). I just wanna say I really very like her, very very much.
About the murder suspect, see the next post.